Aloneliness

Alone versus loneliness... there's a difference. But when experienced together, it makes the heart sore. My heart is sore.

And would you really tell me to get over it? To get a straw and suck it up? To get on with life?
Please don't.

How long has it been now? About three weeks I believe. I thought the days leading up to departure (not goodbye) were hard. But it's still hard. Will it ever be easy? Would it be appropriate for it to become easy? If it did then could I honestly say "I miss you"?

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder" they say. How true, how true...

I Just Don't Know

(My thoughts at the moment that I need to unload)

I just don't know what to think, how to think, what to feel, how to react, what to say, what to do...

I just don't know dammit! I just don't know...
And it's making my brain hurt. And my heart too. My brain just wants to fall out and my heart wants to explode.

I don't understand! I'm so confused! What do you want me to think? How do you want me to feel? What do you want me to say and do?

Should I say nothing at all? Do nothing at all? But what about my thoughts and my feelings? What about those? I don't know what to do with them. What direction do I point them in? I just don't know.

That's what I need- a direction to direct my thoughts and feelings toward. How do I find this direction? What is the right direction? Frick I don't know!!!